IT'S BEEN A HARD DAY'S DRIVE!

Life ...

2008-11-26T13:17:00.002-07:00

From my e-mail:

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,
so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Jack's Back

2008-11-24T09:37:00.001-07:00

From my e-mail:

Jack Bauerisms:

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland.
Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin.
Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Go get 'em Jack!

Patience

2008-10-24T12:06:00.001-06:00

“Patience is not passive; on the contrary, it is active; it is concentrated strength.”

Edward G. Buller-Lytton

Grands 2008

2008-08-19T09:42:00.002-06:00

Brett (14) and Caitlin (Caity) Rook (13) and Cayleigh Bartsch (15)

Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

2008-06-18T18:48:00.001-06:00

Sorry, folks, just have no motivation to write frequently at this time. Will see what Fall brings after some time off from the daily routine during the summer break.

IT Humor

2008-02-26T15:58:00.001-07:00

Top Ten Indicators that a Redneck Has Been Working on Your Computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is 'Huntin'.
4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.
3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
and finally ...
1. The mouse is referred to as a 'critter'.

The Office

2008-01-24T09:16:00.000-07:00

It has been a while!

What can I say, it's January, and we finally have snow and cold weather. The good thing about living in this part of Alberta is "hard winter" never lasts more than six weeks.

We have had renovators finishing our basement. Perhaps "finishing" isn't the right word, as "finishing" doesn't seem to be what is happening down there. This has been quite an eye opener experience. Despite a glowing reference from a government client, and their own personal more than glowing references to their own amazing accomplishments, fantastic workmanship, perfectionism, etc., be warned, people, it is all for naught.

What we have is shoddy workmanship, with my husband having to tell these guys how to correct their mistakes and giving them guidance all along the way. Bob could have easily done all the work himself, it is a time factor that kills us. He was getting desperate to have his own office space.

So today, for the first time in months, he once again has his very own, private office, with a door that locks. It is painted, albeit very poorly, a cheery spring green, has an amazing spalted maple laminate floor, a huge closet for shelves for all his materials, great lighting, and IT'S WARM!

The only problem, the long commute. Quite a change from roll to the side of the bed, sit up, turn on computer. Now he has to actually get out of bed and walk downstairs. He will adapt to the commute as he revels in his quiet and soon to be organized private domain.

It is a good day.

Revised Map Of Canada -- They Did It For The Gopher

2007-12-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

I Really Don't Recommend Buying Children At The Grocery Store

2007-11-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

Ridernation Rules!

2007-11-26T16:49:00.000-07:00

The Saskatchewan Roughriders just won the 95th Grey Cup by beating the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, 23-19 . The game was closer than I expected. The most interesting part was when Winnipeg's coach got all bent out of shape after a challenge and challenged the challenge (video replay decision.)

New Regina Regime "Wolf In Sheep's Clothing"

2007-11-06T09:37:00.000-07:00

REGINA (SBP) – With a winning record and preparations being made for their first home playoff game in 19 years, the Saskatchewan Roughriders have struck fear in the province's citizens thanks to their new management. The new management – which was changed for the sake of change – have introduced a new concept to Rider fans; a new concept which is frightening new territory for the long suffering fans.

"I knew when this new Rider regime came in, that they had a hidden agenda," said long time Rider fan Lorna Calbert, "I knew we couldn't risk changing the old regime. And, now, we are headed for the old Alberta-style of football with a ‘for profit' team."

Alberta-style football, over the past 16 years, has featured such terrifying events such as many home playoff games and 6 Grey Cup championships; 3 each from division rivals Edmonton and Calgary. In addition to playoff success, Alberta-style football also features a two-tier ownership as Edmonton is a publicly owned team while Calgary is privately owned.

"As you can see, the management of the Roughriders has risked change to follow Alberta and, now look at what's happened," continued Calbert, "Not everyone has access to a ticket to a game anymore, the wait times at the concession stands have increased dramatically, and, with the team now offering Rider shares, they are well on their way to being privatized.

"I miss the days when our team was a bunch of meek and mild lovable losers that played in front of a half empty stadium and had to beg for money every year just to stay in operation. That was the kind of team the entire country embraced. Now look at the dark path they are travelling!"

Under the new management, the Roughriders have seen a horrifying increase in attendance and merchandise revenue. In addition to this, there has been a concerning decrease in crime related statistics as well as not a single national news story about a player on trial.
"This lack of crime and unruly behaviour clearly shows how repressive the new management is on its players," continued Calbert, "This is what happens when you expect discipline and accountability from people. They start to concentrate on the task at hand and, dare I say they cease to become themselves?"

Added Calbert: "This new regime is a wolf in sheep's clothing and it's scary as hell."
After risking a terrifying change, the Roughriders are enjoying one of their best seasons statistically with a 12-6 record, good for second place in the western division. The first home playoff date in 19 years goes November 11 against the Calgary Stampeders. And, for the first time in many years, Rider management further terrified Saskatchewan residents by already announcing that the team will be profitable for the 2007 season.

"This craziness has got to be stopped!" exclaimed Calbert, "This is not the Saskatchewan way!"

Thanks to www.saskabush.com

PROCRASTINATION

2007-10-25T20:16:00.001-06:00

Idle Thoughts Of A Wandering Mind

2007-10-17T13:07:00.000-06:00

IDLE THOUGHTS OF A WANDERING MIND

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I had amnesia once -- or twice

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Is it me--or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Off to Safeway to try this out ...

2007-10-11T22:18:00.000-06:00

Building The Bin

2007-10-11T22:10:00.000-06:00

The way this week has been going, I'm starting to build my own bin.

Saskatchewan Election

2007-10-11T21:44:00.000-06:00

I will be keeping my eye on this one. I have seen with my own eyes what struggles tradionally "conservative" areas of the province have gone through when trying to lobby for services for their area and have been ignored by the NDP. One small example, the well-travelled highway in southeastern Saskatchewan that goes to the Border has been ignored for years to the point where it is nearly impassable. A town in the same area, lobbying for health care facilities for years, finally went about doing most of the fund-raising themselves to provide the area with a wonderful integrated health care facility.

Is Saskatchewan becoming Alberta-lite? It would seem so, if you believe the media, so something must be going right. Real estate investors are going beserk buying up properties.

Apparently the Liberals have had no seats in the last four years.

Saskatchewan Party leader Brad Wall said after 16 years of NDP government, it's time for a change.

Should be an interesting few weeks.

Summary Of My Last Year On The Computer

2007-10-09T10:56:00.000-06:00

I so laughed at this, as I have received all of these referred to e-emails at one time or another.

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending m e for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day....

Oh, by the way..... A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!

Causes of Homelessness

2007-10-04T10:52:00.000-06:00

There are homeless people who can’t hold a job, but there are also homeless people who hold full time jobs, so you can’t blame a lack of work ethic as a cause of homelessness.
There are homeless people who can’t read or write, but there are also homeless people who have PhDs, so you can’t blame a lack of education as a cause of homelessness.
There are homeless people who are mentally ill, but there are also homeless people who are completely sane, so you can’t blame mental illness as a cause of homelessness.
There are homeless people who are addicts of every kind, but there are also homeless people who have no addictions at all, so you can’t blame addictions as a cause of homelessness.
There are people who are unemployed who have homes, there are people who are uneducated who have homes, there are people who are mentally ill who have homes, there are people who are addicted to drugs who have homes.
So really, the cause of homelessness has to be another aspect of humanity we have so far failed to deal with.

Posted by TheHomelessGuy, www.thehomelessguy.wordpress.com
October 2/07

The Dangers Of The Unattended Laundry Bin

2007-09-26T11:24:00.000-06:00

The Wrong Tree

2007-09-26T10:49:00.000-06:00

I have been a consumer of goods
I have been a consumer of services
I have been a consumer of food
I have been a consumer of entertainment
I have been a consumer of ideas
I have been a consumer of opportunities
I have been a consumer of information
I have been a consumer of entitlements
I have been a consumer of advanced medical care
I have been a consumer of fine wine
I have been a consumer of fair trade coffee
I have been a consumer of enrichment activities
I have been a consumer of crash tested cars
I have been a consumer of regular dental checkups
I have been a consumer of privileges
I have been a consumer of organic vegetables
I have been a consumer of recognition
I have been a consumer of unique artistic expression
I have been a consumer of free grocery samples
I have been a consumer of alternative therapies
I have been a consumer of anti-depressant medications
I have been a consumer of vocational choices
I have been a consumer of zen enlightenment
I have been a consumer of purified water
I have been a consumer of the holy eucharist
I have been a consumer of the latest scientific findings
I have been a consumer of spiritual advisement
I have been a consumer of homeland security
I have been a consumer of military protection
I have been a consumer of diversity training
I have been a consumer of yoga instruction
I have been a consumer of superior phones
I have been a consumer of unlimited text messaging
I have been a consumer of annual pap smears
I have been a consumer of professional advancement
I have been a consumer of fluorescent light bulbs

When might I have Peace?

Posted by Laura - http://beentherestillthere.blogspot.com/

Gull Lake Camp

2007-09-26T10:09:00.000-06:00

August long weekend we went to Gull Lake Baptist Camp, near Lacombe, Alberta. We took our motorhome and camped on the beautiful grounds. Top right is our guide, Eric. Eric was like one of the family, did everything with us and for us. The camp has amazing facilities, including this beautiful dining room. Brett and Caitlin are just finishing chowing down on taco lunch.

12th Birthday

2007-09-26T10:04:00.000-06:00

Caitlin, centre top, and pals on her 12th birthday August 2nd at Calaway Park, Calgary.

Megan, Becki, Brenna, Tyler, Daniel.

Labour Day Parade

2007-09-21T12:42:00.000-06:00

For a small town, we always have the most enjoyable Labour Day Parade. We have a large contingent of British soldiers training for their mission in Afghanistan just outside town. This year the military was a strong presence in our parade. It included, we were told, one of the world's most elite military marching bands. They were really something. Of course, being in ranching country, there were dozens and dozens of horses and riders.

Okay, so I'm lazy ...

2007-09-21T12:35:00.000-06:00

I miss having time to update as much as I would like to. So, in lieu of, will try and post some pics from the summer. You see here two generations of pyromaniacs. What is it about men and fire????

New Rules For Employment

2007-09-13T16:08:00.000-06:00

New Rules For Employment:

Sickness and related leave: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Surgery: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Bereavement leave: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.
Your own death: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
Restroom use: Too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with "B" will go from 8:10 to 8:20, and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
Paycheck guide: The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks: Item Amount Gross = $1,222.02 Income tax = $244.40 State tax = $11.61 Interstate tax = $61.10 County tax = $6.11 City tax = $12.22 Rural tax = $4.44 Back tax = $1.11 Front tax = $1.16 Side tax = $1.61 Up tax = $1.08 Down tax = $1.14 Tic-Tacs = $1.98 = Thumbtacks $3.93 = Carpet tacks = $0.98 Stadium tax = $0.69 Flat tax = $8.32 Surtax = $2.23 Corporate tax = $2.60 Parking fee = $5.00 F.I.C.A. = $81.88 T.G.I.F. Fund = $9.95 Life insurance = $5.85 Health insurance = $16.23 Dental insurance = $4.50 Mental insurance = $4.33 Disability = $2.50 Ability = $0.25 Liability = $3.41 Coffee = $6.85 Coffee cups = $66.51 Floor rental = $16.85 Chair rental = $0.32 Desk rental = $4.32 Union dues = $5.85 Union donuts = $3.77 Cash advance = $0.69 Cash retreats = $121.35 Overtime = $1.26 Under time = $54.83 Eastern time = $9.00 Central time = $8.00 Mountain time = $7.00 Pacific time = $6.00 Time Out = $12.21 Oxygen = $10.02 Water = $16.54 Heat = $51.42 Cool air = $26.83 Hot air = $20.00 Miscellaneous = $113.29 Various = $8.01 Net Take Home Pay = $0.02
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week, The Management

Do you think you are not creative?

2007-09-02T09:20:00.000-06:00

Dorothy Sayers said if all we knew about God was Genesis 1:1, all we would know is that God is creative.

Since we are created in God's image, at least one innate quality of humans is our creativity.

High School Students Demand Wars In Easier-To-Find Countries

2007-08-29T13:05:00.001-06:00

"How Come No One Fights in Big Famous Nations Anymore?" They Ask

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — A delegation of American high school students today demanded the United States stop waging war in obscure nations such as Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Bosnia-Herzegovina, and instead attack places they've actually heard of, such as France, Australia, and Austria, unless, they said, those last two are the same country.

"Shouldn't we, as Americans, get to decide where wars are?" asked sophomore Kate Shermansky.

"People claim we don't know as much geography as our parents and grandparents, but it's so not our fault," Josh Beldoni, a senior at Fischer High School in Los Angeles, told the Senate Armed Services Committee. "Back then they only had wars in, like, Germany and England, but we're supposed to know about places like Somalia and Massachusetts."

"Macedonia," corrected committee Chairman Carl Levin of Michigan.
"See?" said Beldoni.

Beldoni's frustration was shared by nearly three dozen students at the hearing, who blamed the U.S. military for making them look bad.

"I totally support our soldiers and all that, but I am seriously failing both geography and social studies because I keep getting asked to find Croatia or Yemvrekia, or whatever bizarre-o country we send troops to," said Amelia Nash, a junior at Clark High School in Orlando, Fla. "Can't we fight in, like, Italy? It's boot-shaped."

Chairman Levin however, explained that Italy was a U.S. ally, and that intervention is usually in response to a specific threat.

"OK, what about Arulco?" interrupted Tyler Boone, a senior at Bellevue High School in Wisconsin. "That's a country in Jagged Alliance 2 run by the evil Queen Deidranna. I'm totally familiar with that place. She's a major threat."

"Jagged...?" said Levin.

"Alliance. It's a computer game."

"Well, no," Levin answered. "We can't attack a fictional country."

"Yeah right," Boone mumbled. "Like Grenada was real."

The students' testimony was supported by a cross-section of high school geography teachers, who urged the committee to help lay a solid foundation for America's young people by curtailing any intervention abroad.

"Since the anti-terror war began, most of my students can now point to Afghanistan on a map, which is fine, but those same kids still don't know the capitals of Nevada and Ohio," said Richard Gerber, who teaches at Rhymony High School in Atlanta. "I think we need to cut back on our activities overseas and take care of business at home, and if that means invading Tallahassee (Fla.) or Trenton (N.J.) so that students learn where they are, so be it."

An estimated 2,000 more students were expected to hold a march in the nation's capital, but forgot which city it was in.

Copyright © 1999-2002, SatireWire.

Good News

2007-08-28T13:15:00.000-06:00

Saint Luke pictures Jesus at the dinner table of Simon the Pharisee, and the sinner is at his feet. “Shock! Horror!” cry the tabloids, “Preacher accepts public caresses of notorious prostitute!” Simon says to himself: “If this man was a prophet he would know what sort of woman this is, what a bad name she has.”

Simon lives in the categories of clean and unclean, of insiders and outsiders. The social fabric is threatened by accepting the presence of such a person at his table.

For Jesus there are no outsiders. He does not take issue with the accusation of being a glutton and drunkard. He sees food and drink not as a mark of who is holy, but as a means of uniting himself with all, clean and unclean alike. “Wisdom is justified in all her children,” says Jesus. Wisdom does not consist in knowing the rules and passing judgment, but in befriending all her children, men and women, like the sinner. That is his Good News.

How I Become More Decisive

2007-08-15T22:56:00.000-06:00

Four Simple Steps to Becoming More Decisive:

1. Eeny

2. Meeny

3. Miney

4. Mo

by Andrew R. Juhl

Signs

2007-08-15T22:43:00.000-06:00

I was in a public ladies' restroom the other day and it was only after I finished washing my own hands that I noticed the sign saying "Employees Must Wash Hands." Did I break the rule by washing my own hands? If so, what is the maximum penalty and would they be open to a plea bargain? I know, ignorance of the law is no excuse, but there weren't any employees in there when I was in there ...

stolen from the internet

When I'm 64?

2007-08-15T22:24:00.000-06:00

When I’m Sixty-Four: Now that the generation which sang, ‘‘Hope I die before I get old’’ is actually getting old, can it still relate to the rock songs of its youth? Or is time to change the lyrics of such Baby Boomer classics as ‘‘I Can See for Miles’’ to ‘‘I can still see for miles, thanks to Lasik eye surgery, but I can’t focus on anything close up’’?

In an effort to better reflect the lifestyles of aging listeners, several big-name rock acts have begun updating their past hits. For example, the Beatles have released a new greatest hits collection targeted at elderly boomers. The songs include: ‘‘With a Little Help from Depends,’’ ‘‘Lucy in the Sky with Dentures,’’ ‘‘I’ve Just Seen a Face-Lift,’’ ‘‘Drive My Car (Because the DMV Revoked My License),’’ ‘‘Happiness is a Warm Bedpan,’’ ‘‘I Feel Fine (Except for Some Lower Back Pain)’’ and ‘‘Help! I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!’’

In a similar vein, Steely Dan just recorded ‘‘Rikki Don’t Lose That Walker.’’ And Lynyrd Skynyrd is reworking ‘‘Free Bird’’ into ‘‘Early Bird,’’ a live tribute to discount meals for seniors.

The Rolling Stones have also retooled several hits, according to Chris Willman of Entertainment Weekly. The new tunes include: ‘‘Angie-oplasty,’’ ‘‘Sympathy for Wilford Brimley,’’ ‘‘You Can’t Always Pee When You Want,’’ ‘‘Let’s Spend Our Remaining Time Together,’’ ‘‘It’s Only Rock ’n Roll (But I Can’t Hear It),’’ ‘‘Ex-Lax on Main Street,’’ ‘‘6 p.m. Rambler,’’ ‘‘Jumpin’ Jack Benny,’’ ‘‘Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo (Pacemaker)’’ and ‘‘Dye It Black’’ (sample lyric: ‘‘I see a gray hair and I want to dye it black’’).

New Questions That Make Us Go "HUH?"

2007-08-01T15:57:00.000-06:00

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Bee-Gone

2007-07-25T20:18:00.000-06:00

We used the Raaaaaaaaaid!! bomb to anahilate the wasps building a condo under our garage door, but I could not bring myself to do in the bees building a complex in Brett's wooden bird house attached to the back fence.

What do bees do in the winter?

We All Scream

2007-07-19T13:49:00.000-06:00

In recognition of National Ice Cream Month, here's some cool information:

* Vanilla accounts for 29% of all ice cream sales.

* Chocolate is second at 10% of the market.

* About 20% of people share their ice cream with their pets.

* AIR is the major ingredient of ice cream. Without air, ice cream would be as hard as concrete.

Thanks to Gerry Forbes, Calgary Sun

Hot Dog Days Of Summer

2007-07-19T13:35:00.000-06:00

I always wondered where the expession "dog days of summer" originated. The name comes from the so-called "Dog Star", the brightest star in the heavens besides the sun. Right now we're in the middle of National Hot Dog Month and it's also National Ice Cream Month. Throw in CFL football and it's a great month to be alive.

How popular are hot dogs in Calgary? Over the 10 days at the Stampede, 125,148 regular hot dogs were sold at Stampede Park (who counts these things?) Also, 335,920 jumbo dogs and 96,272 corn dogs were gobbled up.

More hot dog trivia?

- The longest hot dog ever measured was 60.3 metres at the Alaska Prince Hotel in Japan.

- The world record for hot dog eating still stands at 59 1/2 dogs in 12 minutes by Joey Chestnut, who claimed the record last month.

The first words ever spoken by Mickey Mouse were "hot dog" in the animated movied Karnival Kid, although at the time, Mickey was known as Steamboat Willie.

Hmmm ... this is making me hungry ... gotta throw on a dog.

Gettin' With It

2007-07-18T11:21:00.000-06:00

Facebook is the younger person's game and my famly has got me into it. I have found it a great way to search for misplaced (?) lost (?) friends. Even though they are unlikely to be found there, their children may be. Just found the child of a friend that I have trying to reconnect with for for many years! She is going to give me her mom's e-mail address. How cool is that?

Profound Thought Of The Day

2007-07-17T10:54:00.000-06:00

From Blake's Journal: A thought for when the news of the world seems like it couldn't get much worse.

When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it--always.

Spanish Word Of The Day

2007-07-10T12:54:00.000-06:00

Spanish word of the day: 'recargar' [reh-kahr-GAHR]

English translation: recharge

Phrase:
'Tengo que recargar las pilas.'
I have to recharge the batteries.

How do I say I have to recharge MY batteries?

A Spanish saying:

A diario una manzana es cosa sana.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

A Promise For Dark Days

2007-07-10T12:44:00.000-06:00

Giddy-Up

2007-06-16T19:35:00.000-06:00

I live in cowboy/ranching country in a town with a strong Western heritage. At any parade you are likely to see lots of these four legged creatures. And doesn't every smaller prairie town have a Saan store?

Fill 'Er Up

2007-06-16T19:20:00.000-06:00

Nostalgia

2007-06-16T18:48:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I would give anything to be HERE or anywhere similar to HERE in Saskatchewan.

This is a picture of the perfect end to a perfect day on the lake. I would be sitting on the end of the dock with my feet in the water, enjoying the sunset. This particular picture was taken at Madge Lake, near Kamsack. SK.

Photo by W.C.

Wedding Pic

2007-06-13T15:08:00.000-06:00

After seven years together, our daughter and her daughter married this wonderful man on April 7th. They were married in our livingroom, converted into The Little Chapel On The Prairies. A wonderful day.

When moving to Alberta ...

2007-06-05T10:06:00.001-06:00

Recently our Minister of Employment and Immigration, Iris Evans, issued an edict urging people without jobs or homes to avoid moving to Oil-berta. If you should choose to come anyway, Calgarians have a list of guidelines for you:

1. Bring your own house.
2. If moving to the oilsands, bring your own house, school and hospital, and avoid initiating conversations involving the word "Greenpeace" at all cost.
3. If going to Edmonton, also known as the murder capital of Canada, don't forget to bring your own down-filled bulletproof vest.
4. Minimum wage in Alberta is $7. Parking in downtown Calgary costs $10 an hour. Do the math before you arrive.
5. Forget about breaking in the new Porsche. The average speed on McLeod Trail is 12 km/h for most of the day.
6. Frustration from hours of sitting in traffic can be eased by a trip to the mountains - but only if your travel plans are not interrupted by transit strikes, roadwork, and, of course, traffic.
7. Calgary boasts a convenient network of fast-food joints and coffee houses, but don't expect to be let in for a seat -- it seems we can't seem to staff them.
8. If you're bent on sending your kid to Catholic school, look out. The school boards are considering merging facilities and most of us are too busy trying to find a parking spot to care.
9. Since somewhere along the way we lost track of the population and forgot to build new schools, hospitals and highways, don't come here expecting to get any smarter, healthier, or quicker behind the wheel.
10. If you're from Ontario, Quebec or the Federal government, you should either be deaf or plan to arrive with very thick skin.

Top 10 Signs You've Hired The Wrong Kid To Cut Your Lawn

2007-06-04T21:04:00.000-06:00

10. He shows up with a pair of manicure scissors and a Ziploc.
9. Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks.
8. His nickname: The Unamower
7. On the side of his mower you notice stencilled silhouettes of 13 cats.
6. Stops every 15 minutes to smoke some clippings.
5. Using your riding mower, leads R.C.M.P. on a three-hour, low-speed chase.
4. He's always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head.
3. He somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus.
2. Every week he tries to match your lawn to Dennis Rodman's hair.
1. No toes.

My Youngest Baby "Grand"

2007-06-04T17:32:00.000-06:00

Our Baby Grand Mackenzie ready for the beach. Gotta love that knit binkini! 9 months and standing on her own -- will soon be walking!

Best Winter Picture Ever

2007-05-28T14:49:00.000-06:00

This is a real picture of a real dog in a real yard in Saskatchewan this past winter. Her name is Maggi, she belongs to Jordon and Wendy Cooper in Saskatoon and she is trying to get through the yard.

If The Beatles Were Born Today

2007-05-24T17:31:00.000-06:00

Conor

Joshua

Andrew

Ringo

-Francis Doehner

Those Pesky Chain Letters

2007-04-29T21:25:00.000-06:00

CHAIN LETTERS - it is time for my Soap Box. They have started again and I hope I do not offend anyone with my point of view. Last week I received 7 chain style emails and although I do appreciate that others are thinking of me, just for info I do not READ or FORWARD chain style email. I don't like being threatened that the sky will fall on my head if I do not send it on to many others. I believe that the Internet and sending email on will not change the course of our lives. The Good Lord and our Guardian Angels have that in hand. I am aware that some of these are 'moving stories', and without the chain part I do enjoy the ones I accidentally read. If you must send something out to 5 or 10 people, rest assured that the one I receive will go no further. Please do not waste one of your 5 or 10 on me. Yes I do forward cute stories that move me, but not the ones that threaten I MUST send it on. Occasionally??? if I inadvertently read a good one and I can somehow remove the chain part I may forward it, only because it is cute.

On another front, our friends know we care about others, so I also do not usually return the new type of 'friend email' back to the person who sent it to me either - just to reinforce that they are a friend. I do love to hear from everyone and I love cute stories, but please do not include me in the chain style ones. OK I am off my soapbox - life is good again.

Spanish Word Of The Day

2007-03-16T18:41:00.000-06:00

Spanish word of the day: 'comer' [coh-MEHR]

English translation: to eat

Comí como una lima.

I ate like a horse.

Cat Problems? Check Your Music Dial.

2007-03-13T10:43:00.000-06:00

Musical Cats

It appears that feline taste in music is as varied as it is in humans. Some cats show no interest in it, while others seem to dislike it, and still others clearly adore it. One champion of classical music claimed that his kittens preferred early Baroque selections; while a Country Western fan, naturally asserted that Hank Williams Jr. puts his cats in ecstasy. A senior citizen who routinely sets the radio station for easy-listening music before she leaves the house reports that her Siamese cat, Sam, invariably changes it to a hard rock station while she is gone. In the 1930's Drs. Morin and Bachrach discovered to their surprise that the note E of the fourth octave had the effect of making young cats defecate and adult cats become sexually excited. It was also noted that extremely high notes could cause agitation in many cats. Apparently these varied reactions to music are related to the special sound signals that are used in feline language. Some of the high notes, for example, may approximate the pitch of the mews of a distressed kitten and may be disturbing to an adult cat, especially a female. The more erotic responses may be due to the similarity of the musical tones to the sounds elicited during feline courtship ritual. As with all things feline, nature and experience determine the cat's reactions--in this case to music.

Daylight Savings Time

2007-03-11T16:54:00.000-06:00

Daylight Savings Time - thanks to Jordon Cooper

Sigh. Tomorrow at 2:00 a.m. I am hit with the sad reminder of how out of sync Saskatchewan is with the rest of the world. Literally. While the rest of the world changes to Daylight Savings Time, Saskatchewan does not. Sure the extra hour of sunlight would be nice all summer but the 5 minutes twice a year to change all of the clocks in our homes is too difficult so we remain out of sync with the rest of the world. Sadly on most of the call in radio shoes, the main argument is that it is too stressful on the cattle to change their feeding time twice a year. In other words Saskatchewan cattle are too stupid to adjust while cattle in Alberta and Manitoba can. The other argument is that there is a slight increase in traffic accidents as people rush to church. I assure you that despite living in the Bible belt, there isn't much congestion on Saskatchewan roads for people rushing to church. I think we would be okay.Either way, politicians are confident that it would lead to their defeat if they came out in favor of Daylight Savings Time. I am not sure which is sadder, that they think that way or that they may be correct.

On a blog break

2007-01-31T15:04:00.000-07:00

You Must Be From Saskatchewan!

2007-01-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

If "vacation" to you means going shopping for the weekend in Minot, ND while the kids swim at the Comfort Inn, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If parking your car for the night involves an extension cord, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 8 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you're proud that your province makes the national news primarily because it houses the coldest spot in the nation, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you know how to correctly pronounce Forget, Bienfait and Roche Percee, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you measure driving distance in hours, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you know several people who have hit deer more than once, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you can drive 110 kph through 2 meters of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If the largest traffic jam in your town centers around an amateur hockey game, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them, You might live in Saskatchewan

If your town's Christmas lights parade is actually called the 'Christmas Lights Parade' rather than the 'Holiday Lights Parade', and everyone in the parade actually greets you with 'Merry Christmas!' You might live in Saskatchewan.

If there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Wal-Mart at any given time, You might live in Saskatchewan

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you find minus 20 degrees a little chilly, You might live in Saskatchewan.

If you actually understand these observations, and you forward them to all your Saskatchewan friends, you must be from Saskatchewan.

Merry Christmas

2006-12-20T16:28:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas, everyone! See you in the New Year.

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

2006-12-05T21:36:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many dinner parties you have planned according to the instructions of Jesus, but I haven't had any. Handicapped and homeless people are not part of my circle. I have given this verse a lot of thought lately, with the homeless crisis in Calgary in our news nearly every day. People are freezing to death in the streets.

One of our town Counsellors hosts a meal each year on Christmas day to which she invites anyone of any sex or age who does not have a dinner to go to. She started out in her living room and now rents a hall in town. I think she is living out her faith, don't you?

Mark. 14:12-14 Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbours; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”

A Warm Memory

2006-11-30T15:46:00.000-07:00

As we broke a 110-year old record for cold weather in Calgary, Alberta, this week, I was reminded of walking into this Raleigh, North Carolina, lake at about 83 degrees F. Yes, the water always looked this dirty, but who cared.

I thought this little African American girl was adorable, don't you?

HOW TO BATHE A CAT

2006-11-18T13:09:00.000-07:00

"Put both lids of the toilet up and add one-eighth cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid.) The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Don't be concerned with the noises that come from the toilet. The cat is actually enjoying this.

"Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a power wash and rinse. Have the front door of your home open. Be sure that there are no people or other pets between the bathroom and the front door. Stand as far behind the toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids. The cat will rocket out of the toilet and streak through the house and out the front door, initiating the self-dry cycle. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean."

It seems the directions were compiled by someone known simply as "Rover." Hmmm......

MACKENZIE ROCKS!

2006-11-15T21:40:00.000-07:00

The Devil's Horns hand gesture is one that has come to signify every thing rock. However, these days it has become less and less so by it's overuse and misuse. In today's music market it appears that no band that claims to even be the tiniest bit 'rock' can be photographed without at least one of them making this symbol.

How It's Done: Put your middle and ring fingers down into your palm whilst keeping the others straight, place your thumb on top, then either hold aloft, point at someone, or hold across the chest.
Do not place your thumb underneath or hold out to the side; also never hold the thumb out. Always keep it on the middle two fingers, or it will become the sign language for I love you. Unless you're a hippie or in love with a deaf person, it's not really appropriate is it?

CAITLIN, THE HALLOWE'EN FAIRY

2006-11-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

Why I'll Always Be On This Side Of The Starbucks Counter

2006-11-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

"I'll have a large, one-percent double shot half caff, sugar-free vanilla latte, steamed to 163.8 degrees, light foam, easy whip, with a smidge of Callebaut shavings, a whisper of cinnamon, stirred counterclockwise, served with the handle facing west, with no direct eye contact, in a warmed mug - not piping hot, but not lukewarm either ... "

SPANISH WORD OF THE WEEK

2006-11-08T21:32:00.000-07:00

par - pair

Un par de zapatos.

A pair of shoes.

GAINER GOPHERGATE

2006-11-07T15:46:00.000-07:00

Gainer GopherGate has come and gone. Gainer was barred from the Calgary Stampeders’ home field for the playoff game last Sunday against the 'Riders. Alberta may be the rat free province, but apparently they ban gophers, too. Saskatchewan was not pleased with the news that their most famous costumed celebrity had been spurned. But the boys in Green got it done for the gopher. I love the 'Rider fans, they do the CFL proud.

How To Tell If Someone Is From Saskatchewan:

10. Once every third decade or so, they perform strange, ritualistic dances in public places wearing watermelons on their heads to celebrate their latest Grey Cup victory.

9. They pronounce Saskatchewan "Skatchw'n."

8. You overhear someone explain how he installed a counter binder on his combine's pulley-driven wheat flattener with a square head hydrostatic coupler, using a universal bushing degreaser, and you can't believe he left only five inches of clearance between the kernel rotor and the straw-feed regulator -- the idiot!

7. They know the difference between a farmer and a rancher.

6. They rent off-season storage space for the snowmobile on a week-by-week basis.

5. They know when Christmas is near because stores stay open late TWO nights a week rather than one.

4. They can't understand why American television networks never settle on a schedule, instead of shifting all their programs back and forth for an hour every spring and fall.

3. They actually understand, and perhaps can describe in detail, the necessity for geographical correction lines.

2. They're confused when cars come equipped with options that would never be needed, such as curb feelers and turn signals; yet obvious options such as trailer hitches and air conditioning are extras.

1. When you ask them what they think of Calgary, they say, "It's nice, but the mountains block out the sunset!"

INTRODUCING MACKENZIE EVA

2006-11-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

COP HUMOR

2006-11-02T10:04:00.000-07:00

I have advised my 'stealth readers ' that they should not expect anything profound until after Christmas. Fortunately, there is no end of humor on the blogosphere to pass along.

This is a little long, but humorous if you can hang in.

NARCOTIC UNITS
Immediately grow facial hair, tell everybody you were ordered to.
Start watching every episode of Monster Garage.
Buy a biker wallet with a big chain.
Make every case involve overtime $$$.
Buy bunches of boats, RV’s, and motorcycles with that overtime.
Learn to play golf drunk.

SWAT UNITS
Wear team T-shirts, Oakley sunglasses and boots everyday.
Try to fit the word breach in to every conversation.
Have a mirror handy to check hair, if you have hair.
Never say hello to anyone who is not an operator, just practice your SWAT head nod.
Subscribe to Soldier of Fortune and Muscle and Fitness.
Learn to play golf wearing a gun.

COMMUNITY SERVICE UNITS
Hate SWAT.
Work to make everybody love you.
Paint your office in pastel colors. Think Feng Shui.
Subscribe to Psychology Today.
Learn to play miniature golf.

TRAFFIC UNITS
Write tickets to EVERYBODY.
Spend every weekend cleaning your bike and polishing boots.
Annoy everyone on the radio calling out your stops. Talk about nothing but how many tickets you wrote in one day.
Ride by a building with big windows to see your reflection.
Golf is lame, motor rodeos are cool.

ADMINISTRATIVE UNITS
Three-hour lunches everyday, tell everybody it’s a “meeting”.
Upgrade department cell phone every month.
Tell everybody you are published in a national law enforcement magazine.
Update your revenge list on a weekly basis.
Golf Rules! Play lots of golf.

PATROL UNITS
Has nerves of steel.
In a terminal state of nausea from department politics.
Inability to keep mouth shut.
Has defining tastes in alcohol. Is respected by peers.
Beats the crap out of his caddy on any bogeyed shot.

INVESTIGATORS
Come in at 0800.
“Breakfast” from 0815 to 1030.
Work from 1030 to Noon.
Noon to 1400 work out and Lunch 1400-1700.
Sit in CID and talk about how many girlfriends you have and how the wife doesn’t know.
Plan your next RV, fishing, motorcycle trip.

PATROL SERGEANT
Remembers very well “how we used to do it.”
Always willing to tell his officers the above.
Tries to fit the word “liability” in to every sentence.
Talks about “what he’s hearing from upstairs.”

TRAINEE
Unable to grow facial hair.
Watches every episode of Cops.
Worships the ground the SWAT guys walk on.
Arrives for work three hours early. Thinks the Sergeant is thrilled to see him.
Won’t drink on the golf course because it violates the open container ordinance.

FEDS
Shave head, and grow goatee (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you are clean shaven, with short almost military style haircut).
Wear 5.11 pants, and polo with agency logo (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you always have a shirt and pants to which a jacket and tie can be quickly added for when the boss might be around).
Arrive at work at 8 AM, spend one hour answering useless emails, and 30 minutes checking your retirement investments.
Then go with another agent to Starbucks “to discuss your new case.”
After participating in your first warrant service (as outside cover) make plans to join the agency SRT, SWAT, etc, to “properly utilize your superior tactical skills.”
After doing your first buy bust, immediately begin asking the boss about “long term undercover” jobs.
Refuse to play golf with “the locals.”

NEW CORRECTIONS OFFICERS
Show up for work 15 minutes early.
Buy only the best ink pens (Pilot G-2).
Wear T-Shirts of your “dream department” under your uniform.
Wear a full duty belt of gear even though you have to remove: gun, baton, spare magazines, knife, cell phone, and BUG when you arrive at the facility.
Become friends with every local police officer.
Continue eating too much and not exercising.

To all who serve and protect: THANK YOU!

SPANISH WORD OF THE WEEK

2006-11-01T19:57:00.000-07:00

secretaria - secretary

Fue secretaria del Alcalde.

She was the Mayor's secretary.

COFFEE WISDOM

2006-10-18T21:00:00.000-06:00

Principle 1 - Reheating Causes Bitterness
About Coffee: Coffee should not be reheated. Every time you brew a cup, it needs to be fresh. Make only as much as you plan to drink.
About Life: Don't rehash the past. Your past is the reason, not the excuse. Let go of what is gone.

Principle 2 - Start with Fresh Grounds
About Coffee: Do not reuse grounds. You'll only end up with bitter and unpleasant tastes.
About Life: Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat them.

Principle 3 - Use the Correct Grind
About Coffee: Use the correct grind for your coffee maker. If you grind too fine, this will cause bitterness. If your grind is too coarse, the coffee will be watery.
About Life: Put right what you can, and accept what you cannot.

Principle 4 - Use High-Quality Beans and Fresh, Pure, Cold Water
About Coffee: Use fresh cold water. Water is around 98 percent of every cup; to ensure you get the finest taste, consider using a water filter or bottled water. Choose top-quality beans. For your cup of coffee to be top quality you need to make sure you get the main ingredient right. About Life: Celebrate your uniqueness.

Principle 5 - Get the Proportions Right
About Coffee: The proportion of coffee to water is vital. Experts recommend using tablespoons (10 grams) of ground coffee for each 6 fluid ounces (180 ml) of water. Regardless of how much coffee you make, you need to keep these proportions consistent. Proportions can be adjusted according to taste, but using less coffee makes for a thin, bitter-tasting brew.
About Life: Challenge irrational thinking.

Principle 6 - Boiling Destroys the Flavor
About Coffee: Boiling causes bitterness, so never boil coffee. It should be brewed between 195°F and 205°F (90°C-96°C).
About Life: Check your stress levels. Balance your body, mind, and spirit.

Principle 7 - Drink It While It's Hot
About Coffee: Drink your coffee soon after it is made. Coffee can be kept warm for only about fifteen minutes over a burner before the flavor becomes unpleasant.
About Life: Live in the present with an attitude of positive expectancy.

About the Book
Coffee Wisdom: 7 Finely-Ground Principles to Living a Full-Bodied Life By Theresa Cheung

WRAPPING PRESENTS WITH A CAT

2006-10-18T20:54:00.000-06:00

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.

Blog Break

2006-06-28T17:21:00.000-06:00

School is out and we are looking forward to a great summer. Will try to get back at this in September. It's not that I have been overrun with readers (ya think!), but have found in my limited experience this is an interesting creative outlet. Too good to give up so soon.

Hope everyone has a safe and happy summer!

See ya!

Bronco

2006-06-12T20:29:00.000-06:00

Here's Calgary's Mayor Dave Bronconnier and our Governor General at Calgary City Hall (pictured).

Her Excellency the Right Honourable Michaëlle Jean, the Governor General of Canada

2006-06-12T15:41:00.000-06:00

Our Governor General was a delight: smiling, vivacious, personable, and amazingly beautiful.

It was not known by the children from out of town competing at the Heritage Fair that Michaelle Jean would be making a visit to a pre-arranged and selected group of young adults at Calgary City Hall. As word of her arrival spread, the line-ups beside the red carpet laid out for her began.

I could not believe that most children did not have a clue who she was. They did not know anything about Canada's Governor General, her role, nor her name. They were more interested in seeing the Mayor of Calgary (Sigh ....) I'll post a picture of him later.

A Touch Of Royalty

2006-06-12T15:38:00.000-06:00

Here is Caitlin waiting with her friends for a special guest, with whom she got to shake hands. Guess who?

Spirited

2006-06-12T15:36:00.000-06:00

It was Spirit Week at Mitford Middle, dress from any era. Caitlin looked like a young "Jane" Lennon and Brett like the original Bono ... Sonny, that is.

Want A Hug?

2006-06-12T15:33:00.000-06:00

Brett and Caitlin get a hug from Sophie

A Boa Necklace

2006-06-12T15:31:00.000-06:00

We also visited the Reptile World Museum. It was amazing.
There were reptiles, amphibians, spiders from around the
world on display.

The kids had a chance to get up close and personal with the resident Boa, Sophie. I had never been so close
to such a large snake before, and it was cool to "pet" her.

Here's Caitlin checking her out.

Hoo Dat On the Hoodoo?

2006-06-12T15:27:00.000-06:00

Caitlin and Brett check out a Hoodoo. This is the weekend Caitlin decided to grow out her hair, after hotel staff and restaurant staff referred to both she and Brett as "boys."

Hoodoos

2006-06-12T15:24:00.000-06:00

During Spring Break we took the kids on an overnight trip to the Drumheller, Alberta, area. What an interesting place to visit! The kids had a blast exploring the Hoodoos.

Peace, Old Friend

2006-05-21T11:58:00.000-06:00

I found out yesterday that an old friend of mine in Saskatoon has passed over from this life to the next ... Allene Becker.

I first met Allene when we were sitting in the same row at church at a Women's Retreat. You know how you get comfortable at these things and tend to go back and sit in your same row with the same people. We chatted a bit and I found her to be a very personable and fascinating person. As a result of the weekend, we met for coffee. At that time I was a single parent and Allene and I talked about how getting through Christmas was going to be both an emotional and financial struggle for our family that year.

A few weeks later, Allene came into my place of work and gave me an envelope. "God told me to give this to you," she said. I wasn't sure about her theology, but I was sure about her heart. When I opened it, there was $100 in cash.

That's the kind of person Allene was. I always called her "my angel." She had a very tough life with her health problems, but always kept her faith. She was an English teacher who spent time teaching in the Yukon, until health problems put an end to her teaching career. Although she had a couple of serious relationships, she never married nor had children. She considered her students to be her "kids."

Over the many years since I lived in Saskatoon, occasionally I would pick up the phone and there would be Allene on the other end. Recently, she moved into a care home in Saskatoon, and I am thankful I was able to write what I now know was the last letter she would receive from me.

I am thankful for this special lady being part of my life. I'll miss you, Allene. I imagine you laughing and dancing in Heaven, as only you can.

Explore Alberta

2006-05-17T13:18:00.000-06:00

One of the many reasons I love living where I do ... just a short drive away from the beauty of Kananaskis Country.

Green Fingers

2006-05-03T20:20:00.000-06:00

In recent years, when this nomad has come to rest for a spell, I have discovered I LOVE gardening. I think I must have come by this honestly from my grandmother, who always had a huge farm garden full of vegetables, flowers to cut, and lilac bushes. My mother was also a very good gardener.

Where we presently live, we have a small strip of raised garden across the back of yard. I have started a few perennials, a few of which have survived our winter. This year I am trying some wild flowers from seed ... I would love an English garden full of colours from flowers of all shapes and sizes.

I have discovered Alan Creech's wife, Liz, has started a gardening blog, doing things the organic way. Even though she is in Lexington, Kentucky, I have learnt a lot from her already.
See http://alancreech.com/lizard/gardenescapades

Some Day My Tattoo Will Come

2006-04-25T15:16:00.000-06:00

I have always wanted a tattoo. I have in mind the Native American Kokopelli . Regardless of its meaning, I think it is very cute.

The mysterious Kokopelli character is found in a number of Native American cultures, being especially prominent in the Anazasi culture of the "Four Corners" area. The figure represents a mischievous trickster or the Minstrel, spirit of music. Kokopelli is distinguished by his dancing pose, a hunchback and flute. His whimsical nature, charitable deeds, and vital spirit give him a prominent position in Native American mysticism.

Kokopelli has been a sacred figure to Native Americans of the Southwestern United States for thousands of years. Found painted and carved on rock walls and boulders throughout this region, Kokopelli is one of the most intriguing and widespread images to have survived from ancient Anasazi Indian mythology, and is a prominent figure in Hopi and Zuni legends. Kokopelli is also revered by current-day descendants including the Hopi, Taos and Acoma pueblo peoples.

Kokopelli is considered a symbol of fertility who brought well-being to the people, assuring success in hunting, planting and growing crops, and human conception. His "hump" was often considered a bag of gifts, a sack carrying the seeds of plants and flowers he would scatter every spring. Warming the earth by playing his flute and singing songs, Kokopelli would melt the winter snow and create rain, ensuring a good harvest.

I like the above picture of a group of pastors who have supported each other with the same tattoo. I am guessing they are portraying what Scripture refers to as Jesus, the Vine and we, the Branches.

The words you can see on the wrists at the bottom of the picture mean "Hope" in Hebrew. Way cool.

Positive Reinforcement

2006-04-19T20:19:00.000-06:00

Crafters Take Note

2006-04-19T19:59:00.000-06:00

In spite of my best efforts, I have not been able to post Links. If anyone who blogs, ever reads mine, I would be eternally grateful if you would let me know how to do this!

In the interim, I have a special friend in Virginia, named Trish, who was born with an abundance of craft genes. These days she is creating and selling amazing jewellery. She shares her techniques and all kinds of tips via her newsletter.

Drop by here and then sign up for her tips: http://www.bentandstrung.com

Also, Trish now has a Blog at http://bentandstrung.dashdots.com/blog/

North Carolina Memories #3

2006-04-19T16:36:00.000-06:00

Atlantic Beach on North Carolina's Coast

North Carolina Memories #2

2006-04-10T09:58:00.000-06:00

Raleligh, NC State Fair -- I think these Giant Turkey Legs were actually Emu or Ostrich legs. Even a turkey on steroids couldn't have been THAT big!

North Carolina Memories #1

2006-04-08T22:19:00.000-06:00

Before the Grand Old Opry, Nashville, there was the Grand Old Opry, North Carolina ... and CocaCola.

Congrats, Caitlin

2006-04-06T17:24:00.000-06:00

Caitlin recently received the Mitford Award of Excellence for her presentation (oral and board) on Henry Hudson. She now goes on to compete in the Heritage Fair in Calgary in May.

Following up, Caitlin's self-confidence shone as she made a good presentation to the Judges. She won a ribbon and enjoyed this valuable experience.

Good-bye, Ralph

2006-04-05T13:46:00.000-06:00

I was recalling all the large cities I have lived in across five provinces, where politics was always front page news. For the life of me, my Premiers, MLA's, and MP's, are faceless and nameless. That's why the retirement of our Alberta Premier, Ralph Klein, leaves me feeling quite sad and disappointed.

Comments from Rick Bell, Calgary Sun, April 3/06:

Ralph was Ralph, one of a handful of politicians almost always known by first name alone. Countless opposition types tried to get people to call him Premier Klein, to demystify the man. Never worked.

It was all so natural. Ralph's World. King Ralph. Balancing a budget by cuts alone? Ralphonomics. The four-year Tory campaign to fix the financial mess it caused? Ralpholution. What better name for the recent $400 cheques (to each man, woman and child in Alberta) than Ralphbucks.

When Ralph uttered a phrase, it immediately entered the political vocabulary. Everybody had heard a Ralph story, even if it was 12th hand. Some quip, some anecdote proving he had not lost the common touch, always circulated. Ralph's popularity always outstripped that of the party.

Ralph was the politician said to have learned his life lessons in Calgary's beer parlours. Ralph was the plain talker who knew what average Albertan Martha and Henry (as he called them) were thinking. Ralph was the rumpled rogue on the billboard. Ralph was the one Tories told us cared and Tories told us listened.

The Tories insisted Ralph always did what he said he'd do. Ralph would never blink. The party faithful even named a beer after him.

Reports say the party's shocking rebuke isn't about Ralph, but about the timing of his departure. So it comes as no surprise all the e-mails and calls to the office of the premier and the digs of cabinet ministers and Conservative backbenchers alike, ask one question. What did you do to Ralph and why did you do it? (Is it right to blame leadership candidates for Ralph's demise? Of course, and the truth is they did it effectively and well.) It seems the Tory caucus can offer sustained applause for their leader and at the same time carry a knife.

I'm glad that Ralph will head into history as a maverick straight-shooter who says what he thinks and does what he promises and doesn't give a dang about the consequences. I'll miss him.

Find Music You Love At Pandora

2006-04-05T13:21:00.000-06:00

Have you discovered Pandora yet?

If you are on your computer any length of time, or just like to have background music in the area of your computer, make your own radio station at Pandora. Just supply the name of your favorite artist or song, Pandora will find the artist or song, and supply you with one hour of free uninterrupted music of your artist, plus other artists with a similar style. Make as many different radio stations as you wish. Lots of fun.

Oh, you have to provide a US zip code when you sign up. Remember Beverly Hills 90210? That's what I submitted and it worked.

www.pandora.com

Is Tasty Tofu Burger An Oxymoron?

2006-04-04T13:05:00.000-06:00

Being a farm girl, I was raised a carnivore. Today we're told having the odd meatless meal is a good thing.

Searching the web for a meal that would be palatable to all five of us has been a challenge. Finally came up with this. It might work IF (a) there was no soy cheese left over and (b) if I can find out what the heck a poblano pepper is.

Any of you trying the odd vegan meal and, if so, I would be interested in knowing what works for you.

STATION 2'S FAMOUS AWARD WINNING WRAPS

Station 2 (have no clue who this is) won a Healthy Wagon contest in the fall of 2003 with this very healthful and tasty lunch and/or dinner wrap.

1 pack of burrito size, whole wheat tortillas (you can substitute with spinach, tomato, or rosemary (? - not in my Safeway) tortillas as long as it's a healthy substitute- read the label for grams of fat and keep under 2.5 per tortilla)
1 container of Hummus. We like the red-roasted pepper variety.
1 package of fresh spinach
1 can of black beans
1 can of corn
1 onion
1 bell pepper (any color will do)
1 poblano pepper
1 package of mushrooms
1 package of soy cheese (pick flavor to enhance taste of the wrap)

Assembly:
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.
Roast the poblano pepper on stove top, grill, or burner (watch your fingers).
De-seed,remove outer skin from pepper.
Cut pepper into strips.
Saute' the onions
Add bell pepper and then the mushrooms and corn.
Drain and rinse the canned vegetables.
Take one tortilla and spread a layer of hummus. Next spread the sauted vegetables and canned beans. A generous helping of poblano pepper strips and fresh spinach with a sprinkling of soy cheese. Roll into a burrito and place in the oven for 8-10 minutes.
Serve hot with guacamole (yum, my favorite) and/or hot sauce spooned over the top. Keep in mind you can add/subtract any fresh vegetable and still have a great tasting wrap.

The Homeless VS Children?

2006-04-04T10:21:00.000-06:00

For two years I have followed the story of "The Homeless Guy," Kevin Barbieux. He blogs from libraries in Las Vegas, and has given me an insight into what life is like for the homeless that we don't get from newspapers.

He recently reported that Central Dallas Ministries (Southern Baptist) wants to build a 209-unit housing project in a downtown 15-story building. Fifty of the apartments would go to formerly homeless people, while most of the rest would be used for low-income tenants.

The council approved the project 13-1. The controversy is that the housing project is 200 feet from Dallas's First Baptist Academy. Walters, headmaster, believes the safety of children in his care must pre-empt goodwill toward the homeless. “We will do whatever we can to protect the rights and safety of our children,” he said. “We have to respond to responsibly meet the safety and security requirements of our clientele.”

Read the entire article at www.baptiststandard.com

The Homeless Guy comments: "In all my experience, some 20+ years either being homeless or dealing with homeless issues, I have never known a homeless person to harm a child. Yet, I have heard of many people with homes who have done children a great deal of harm. Such prejudice against homeless people is what prevents many of them from ever overcoming homelessness."

Unreal Estate

2006-04-03T19:27:00.000-06:00

Calgary's booming real estate market has just skyrocketed again, so the cost of the average single dwelling home is now $363,000. That's about a $80,000 increase since this time last year.

Got $250,000? Here is what $250,000 will buy you across the country, according to Calgary Sun researchers:

Calgary: Slim pickin's these days. Try a condo or a townhouse.

Vancouver: West Van - a cardboard box.
East Van - possibly something "very tiny."

Saskatoon: Good news - a brand new home with all the amenities, even a pool.

Winnipeg: Wide range of affordable choices in the 5- to 15-year old range.

Toronto: Can't print in a family newspaper -- just "bare bones".

Charlottetown: Luck out! 2,500 sq. ft. two-storey on waterfront property, hardwood floors and more -- in a nice neighborhood.

The Protocol of Sleeping Over

2006-04-03T19:10:00.000-06:00

Caitlin is 10. This year the era of party sleepovers began. Somewhere out there is a mother of a Fifth Grader who started the precedent of the 6 pm to 10 pm party, boys included. The boys leave at 10 pm and the girls continue to party on until the next morning. This forum is mandatory for birthday parties, it seems.

We decided a needs to know list was advisable.

1. Time Frame. What time should I arrive, and when will I be leaving?
2. Supplies. What should I bring? Should I bring my own sleeping bag? Do I need any special clothing?
3. Other kids. Will there be other kids staying overnight? If so, who? What adults will be around?
4. Activities. What will we be doing? Is there a plan?
5. Eating. What will we do for food? Should I eat before I come over, or will there be dinner, snacks, breakfast? What food will be served?
6. Special concerns. Do you have any pets? Where does the dog sleep? Is anyone else a vegetarian (for those who are)? Is it okay if I don't take a shower? Do you keep a light on at night?

I don't recall any sleepovers as a child, other than with relatives. I remember one special occasion travelling to visit cousins in Saskatchewan. We arrived late at night when I was asleep. In the morning I found myself in a very special bed -- with a pillow and lots of blankets -- in the bathtub! I don't recall kids in sleeping bags on the floor ever.

Can LEGO Cure Calgary's Housing Crisis?

2006-04-03T17:45:00.000-06:00

Drastic plastic housing solution
Mayor hopes Lego home project will cure housing crisis
The Saturday Calgary Sun, April 1, 2006.

"Temporary plastic homes built from industrial-sized interlocking Lego bricks are being considered by city council as a solution to Calgary's affordable housing crisis.

"Mayor Dave Bronconnier is slated to fly to Lego Corporation headquarters in Billund, Denmark, next week to discuss the purchase of 45,000 bricks, capable of building more than 400 single-bedroom homes, or 200 two-bedroom homes. "Overall, the city is growing too fast to provide adequate housing for its booming population," said Bronconnier. ..............

"Aldermen will debate the brick purchase at next Monday's city council meeting."

I admit it, I fell for it. I should have guessed The Sun's April Fool's was afoot when they said Mayor Bronco was going to fly by himself. Last year he flew the entire city council (with the exception of one alderwoman who refused to go on principle) to a meeting in Eastern Canada.