Why I'll Always Be On This Side Of The Starbucks Counter

"I'll have a large, one-percent double shot half caff, sugar-free vanilla latte, steamed to 163.8 degrees, light foam, easy whip, with a smidge of Callebaut shavings, a whisper of cinnamon, stirred counterclockwise, served with the handle facing west, with no direct eye contact, in a warmed mug - not piping hot, but not lukewarm either ... "

SPANISH WORD OF THE WEEK

par - pair

Un par de zapatos.

A pair of shoes.

GAINER GOPHERGATE

Gainer GopherGate has come and gone. Gainer was barred from the Calgary Stampeders’ home field for the playoff game last Sunday against the 'Riders. Alberta may be the rat free province, but apparently they ban gophers, too. Saskatchewan was not pleased with the news that their most famous costumed celebrity had been spurned. But the boys in Green got it done for the gopher. I love the 'Rider fans, they do the CFL proud.

How To Tell If Someone Is From Saskatchewan:

10. Once every third decade or so, they perform strange, ritualistic dances in public places wearing watermelons on their heads to celebrate their latest Grey Cup victory.

9. They pronounce Saskatchewan "Skatchw'n."

8. You overhear someone explain how he installed a counter binder on his combine's pulley-driven wheat flattener with a square head hydrostatic coupler, using a universal bushing degreaser, and you can't believe he left only five inches of clearance between the kernel rotor and the straw-feed regulator -- the idiot!

7. They know the difference between a farmer and a rancher.

6. They rent off-season storage space for the snowmobile on a week-by-week basis.

5. They know when Christmas is near because stores stay open late TWO nights a week rather than one.

4. They can't understand why American television networks never settle on a schedule, instead of shifting all their programs back and forth for an hour every spring and fall.

3. They actually understand, and perhaps can describe in detail, the necessity for geographical correction lines.

2. They're confused when cars come equipped with options that would never be needed, such as curb feelers and turn signals; yet obvious options such as trailer hitches and air conditioning are extras.

1. When you ask them what they think of Calgary, they say, "It's nice, but the mountains block out the sunset!"