29 November, 2007
26 November, 2007
Ridernation Rules!
The Saskatchewan Roughriders just won the 95th Grey Cup by beating the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, 23-19 . The game was closer than I expected. The most interesting part was when Winnipeg's coach got all bent out of shape after a challenge and challenged the challenge (video replay decision.)
06 November, 2007
New Regina Regime "Wolf In Sheep's Clothing"
REGINA (SBP) – With a winning record and preparations being made for their first home playoff game in 19 years, the Saskatchewan Roughriders have struck fear in the province's citizens thanks to their new management. The new management – which was changed for the sake of change – have introduced a new concept to Rider fans; a new concept which is frightening new territory for the long suffering fans.
"I knew when this new Rider regime came in, that they had a hidden agenda," said long time Rider fan Lorna Calbert, "I knew we couldn't risk changing the old regime. And, now, we are headed for the old Alberta-style of football with a ‘for profit' team."
Alberta-style football, over the past 16 years, has featured such terrifying events such as many home playoff games and 6 Grey Cup championships; 3 each from division rivals Edmonton and Calgary. In addition to playoff success, Alberta-style football also features a two-tier ownership as Edmonton is a publicly owned team while Calgary is privately owned.
"As you can see, the management of the Roughriders has risked change to follow Alberta and, now look at what's happened," continued Calbert, "Not everyone has access to a ticket to a game anymore, the wait times at the concession stands have increased dramatically, and, with the team now offering Rider shares, they are well on their way to being privatized.
"I miss the days when our team was a bunch of meek and mild lovable losers that played in front of a half empty stadium and had to beg for money every year just to stay in operation. That was the kind of team the entire country embraced. Now look at the dark path they are travelling!"
Under the new management, the Roughriders have seen a horrifying increase in attendance and merchandise revenue. In addition to this, there has been a concerning decrease in crime related statistics as well as not a single national news story about a player on trial.
"This lack of crime and unruly behaviour clearly shows how repressive the new management is on its players," continued Calbert, "This is what happens when you expect discipline and accountability from people. They start to concentrate on the task at hand and, dare I say they cease to become themselves?"
Added Calbert: "This new regime is a wolf in sheep's clothing and it's scary as hell."
After risking a terrifying change, the Roughriders are enjoying one of their best seasons statistically with a 12-6 record, good for second place in the western division. The first home playoff date in 19 years goes November 11 against the Calgary Stampeders. And, for the first time in many years, Rider management further terrified Saskatchewan residents by already announcing that the team will be profitable for the 2007 season.
"This craziness has got to be stopped!" exclaimed Calbert, "This is not the Saskatchewan way!"
Thanks to www.saskabush.com
"I knew when this new Rider regime came in, that they had a hidden agenda," said long time Rider fan Lorna Calbert, "I knew we couldn't risk changing the old regime. And, now, we are headed for the old Alberta-style of football with a ‘for profit' team."
Alberta-style football, over the past 16 years, has featured such terrifying events such as many home playoff games and 6 Grey Cup championships; 3 each from division rivals Edmonton and Calgary. In addition to playoff success, Alberta-style football also features a two-tier ownership as Edmonton is a publicly owned team while Calgary is privately owned.
"As you can see, the management of the Roughriders has risked change to follow Alberta and, now look at what's happened," continued Calbert, "Not everyone has access to a ticket to a game anymore, the wait times at the concession stands have increased dramatically, and, with the team now offering Rider shares, they are well on their way to being privatized.
"I miss the days when our team was a bunch of meek and mild lovable losers that played in front of a half empty stadium and had to beg for money every year just to stay in operation. That was the kind of team the entire country embraced. Now look at the dark path they are travelling!"
Under the new management, the Roughriders have seen a horrifying increase in attendance and merchandise revenue. In addition to this, there has been a concerning decrease in crime related statistics as well as not a single national news story about a player on trial.
"This lack of crime and unruly behaviour clearly shows how repressive the new management is on its players," continued Calbert, "This is what happens when you expect discipline and accountability from people. They start to concentrate on the task at hand and, dare I say they cease to become themselves?"
Added Calbert: "This new regime is a wolf in sheep's clothing and it's scary as hell."
After risking a terrifying change, the Roughriders are enjoying one of their best seasons statistically with a 12-6 record, good for second place in the western division. The first home playoff date in 19 years goes November 11 against the Calgary Stampeders. And, for the first time in many years, Rider management further terrified Saskatchewan residents by already announcing that the team will be profitable for the 2007 season.
"This craziness has got to be stopped!" exclaimed Calbert, "This is not the Saskatchewan way!"
Thanks to www.saskabush.com
25 October, 2007
17 October, 2007
Idle Thoughts Of A Wandering Mind
IDLE THOUGHTS OF A WANDERING MIND
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Is it me--or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Is it me--or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
11 October, 2007
Saskatchewan Election
I will be keeping my eye on this one. I have seen with my own eyes what struggles tradionally "conservative" areas of the province have gone through when trying to lobby for services for their area and have been ignored by the NDP. One small example, the well-travelled highway in southeastern Saskatchewan that goes to the Border has been ignored for years to the point where it is nearly impassable. A town in the same area, lobbying for health care facilities for years, finally went about doing most of the fund-raising themselves to provide the area with a wonderful integrated health care facility.
Is Saskatchewan becoming Alberta-lite? It would seem so, if you believe the media, so something must be going right. Real estate investors are going beserk buying up properties.
Apparently the Liberals have had no seats in the last four years.
Saskatchewan Party leader Brad Wall said after 16 years of NDP government, it's time for a change.
Should be an interesting few weeks.
Is Saskatchewan becoming Alberta-lite? It would seem so, if you believe the media, so something must be going right. Real estate investors are going beserk buying up properties.
Apparently the Liberals have had no seats in the last four years.
Saskatchewan Party leader Brad Wall said after 16 years of NDP government, it's time for a change.
Should be an interesting few weeks.
09 October, 2007
Summary Of My Last Year On The Computer
I so laughed at this, as I have received all of these referred to e-emails at one time or another.
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending m e for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day....
Oh, by the way..... A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending m e for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day....
Oh, by the way..... A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
04 October, 2007
Causes of Homelessness
There are homeless people who can’t hold a job, but there are also homeless people who hold full time jobs, so you can’t blame a lack of work ethic as a cause of homelessness.
There are homeless people who can’t read or write, but there are also homeless people who have PhDs, so you can’t blame a lack of education as a cause of homelessness.
There are homeless people who are mentally ill, but there are also homeless people who are completely sane, so you can’t blame mental illness as a cause of homelessness.
There are homeless people who are addicts of every kind, but there are also homeless people who have no addictions at all, so you can’t blame addictions as a cause of homelessness.
There are people who are unemployed who have homes, there are people who are uneducated who have homes, there are people who are mentally ill who have homes, there are people who are addicted to drugs who have homes.
So really, the cause of homelessness has to be another aspect of humanity we have so far failed to deal with.
Posted by TheHomelessGuy, www.thehomelessguy.wordpress.com
October 2/07
There are homeless people who can’t read or write, but there are also homeless people who have PhDs, so you can’t blame a lack of education as a cause of homelessness.
There are homeless people who are mentally ill, but there are also homeless people who are completely sane, so you can’t blame mental illness as a cause of homelessness.
There are homeless people who are addicts of every kind, but there are also homeless people who have no addictions at all, so you can’t blame addictions as a cause of homelessness.
There are people who are unemployed who have homes, there are people who are uneducated who have homes, there are people who are mentally ill who have homes, there are people who are addicted to drugs who have homes.
So really, the cause of homelessness has to be another aspect of humanity we have so far failed to deal with.
Posted by TheHomelessGuy, www.thehomelessguy.wordpress.com
October 2/07
26 September, 2007
The Wrong Tree
I have been a consumer of goods
I have been a consumer of services
I have been a consumer of food
I have been a consumer of entertainment
I have been a consumer of ideas
I have been a consumer of opportunities
I have been a consumer of information
I have been a consumer of entitlements
I have been a consumer of advanced medical care
I have been a consumer of fine wine
I have been a consumer of fair trade coffee
I have been a consumer of enrichment activities
I have been a consumer of crash tested cars
I have been a consumer of regular dental checkups
I have been a consumer of privileges
I have been a consumer of organic vegetables
I have been a consumer of recognition
I have been a consumer of unique artistic expression
I have been a consumer of free grocery samples
I have been a consumer of alternative therapies
I have been a consumer of anti-depressant medications
I have been a consumer of vocational choices
I have been a consumer of zen enlightenment
I have been a consumer of purified water
I have been a consumer of the holy eucharist
I have been a consumer of the latest scientific findings
I have been a consumer of spiritual advisement
I have been a consumer of homeland security
I have been a consumer of military protection
I have been a consumer of diversity training
I have been a consumer of yoga instruction
I have been a consumer of superior phones
I have been a consumer of unlimited text messaging
I have been a consumer of annual pap smears
I have been a consumer of professional advancement
I have been a consumer of fluorescent light bulbs
When might I have Peace?
Posted by Laura - http://beentherestillthere.blogspot.com/
Gull Lake Camp
August long weekend we went to Gull Lake Baptist Camp, near Lacombe, Alberta. We took our motorhome and camped on the beautiful grounds. Top right is our guide, Eric. Eric was like one of the family, did everything with us and for us. The camp has amazing facilities, including this beautiful dining room. Brett and Caitlin are just finishing chowing down on taco lunch.
12th Birthday
Caitlin, centre top, and pals on her 12th birthday August 2nd at Calaway Park, Calgary.
Megan, Becki, Brenna, Tyler, Daniel.
21 September, 2007
Labour Day Parade
For a small town, we always have the most enjoyable Labour Day Parade. We have a large contingent of British soldiers training for their mission in Afghanistan just outside town. This year the military was a strong presence in our parade. It included, we were told, one of the world's most elite military marching bands. They were really something. Of course, being in ranching country, there were dozens and dozens of horses and riders.
Okay, so I'm lazy ...
I miss having time to update as much as I would like to. So, in lieu of, will try and post some pics from the summer. You see here two generations of pyromaniacs. What is it about men and fire????
13 September, 2007
New Rules For Employment
New Rules For Employment:
Sickness and related leave: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Surgery: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Bereavement leave: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.
Your own death: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
Restroom use: Too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with "B" will go from 8:10 to 8:20, and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
Paycheck guide: The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks: Item Amount Gross = $1,222.02 Income tax = $244.40 State tax = $11.61 Interstate tax = $61.10 County tax = $6.11 City tax = $12.22 Rural tax = $4.44 Back tax = $1.11 Front tax = $1.16 Side tax = $1.61 Up tax = $1.08 Down tax = $1.14 Tic-Tacs = $1.98 = Thumbtacks $3.93 = Carpet tacks = $0.98 Stadium tax = $0.69 Flat tax = $8.32 Surtax = $2.23 Corporate tax = $2.60 Parking fee = $5.00 F.I.C.A. = $81.88 T.G.I.F. Fund = $9.95 Life insurance = $5.85 Health insurance = $16.23 Dental insurance = $4.50 Mental insurance = $4.33 Disability = $2.50 Ability = $0.25 Liability = $3.41 Coffee = $6.85 Coffee cups = $66.51 Floor rental = $16.85 Chair rental = $0.32 Desk rental = $4.32 Union dues = $5.85 Union donuts = $3.77 Cash advance = $0.69 Cash retreats = $121.35 Overtime = $1.26 Under time = $54.83 Eastern time = $9.00 Central time = $8.00 Mountain time = $7.00 Pacific time = $6.00 Time Out = $12.21 Oxygen = $10.02 Water = $16.54 Heat = $51.42 Cool air = $26.83 Hot air = $20.00 Miscellaneous = $113.29 Various = $8.01 Net Take Home Pay = $0.02
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week, The Management
Sickness and related leave: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Surgery: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Bereavement leave: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.
Your own death: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
Restroom use: Too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with "B" will go from 8:10 to 8:20, and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
Paycheck guide: The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks: Item Amount Gross = $1,222.02 Income tax = $244.40 State tax = $11.61 Interstate tax = $61.10 County tax = $6.11 City tax = $12.22 Rural tax = $4.44 Back tax = $1.11 Front tax = $1.16 Side tax = $1.61 Up tax = $1.08 Down tax = $1.14 Tic-Tacs = $1.98 = Thumbtacks $3.93 = Carpet tacks = $0.98 Stadium tax = $0.69 Flat tax = $8.32 Surtax = $2.23 Corporate tax = $2.60 Parking fee = $5.00 F.I.C.A. = $81.88 T.G.I.F. Fund = $9.95 Life insurance = $5.85 Health insurance = $16.23 Dental insurance = $4.50 Mental insurance = $4.33 Disability = $2.50 Ability = $0.25 Liability = $3.41 Coffee = $6.85 Coffee cups = $66.51 Floor rental = $16.85 Chair rental = $0.32 Desk rental = $4.32 Union dues = $5.85 Union donuts = $3.77 Cash advance = $0.69 Cash retreats = $121.35 Overtime = $1.26 Under time = $54.83 Eastern time = $9.00 Central time = $8.00 Mountain time = $7.00 Pacific time = $6.00 Time Out = $12.21 Oxygen = $10.02 Water = $16.54 Heat = $51.42 Cool air = $26.83 Hot air = $20.00 Miscellaneous = $113.29 Various = $8.01 Net Take Home Pay = $0.02
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week, The Management
02 September, 2007
Do you think you are not creative?
Dorothy Sayers said if all we knew about God was Genesis 1:1, all we would know is that God is creative.
Since we are created in God's image, at least one innate quality of humans is our creativity.
Since we are created in God's image, at least one innate quality of humans is our creativity.
29 August, 2007
High School Students Demand Wars In Easier-To-Find Countries
"How Come No One Fights in Big Famous Nations Anymore?" They Ask
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — A delegation of American high school students today demanded the United States stop waging war in obscure nations such as Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Bosnia-Herzegovina, and instead attack places they've actually heard of, such as France, Australia, and Austria, unless, they said, those last two are the same country.
"Shouldn't we, as Americans, get to decide where wars are?" asked sophomore Kate Shermansky.
"People claim we don't know as much geography as our parents and grandparents, but it's so not our fault," Josh Beldoni, a senior at Fischer High School in Los Angeles, told the Senate Armed Services Committee. "Back then they only had wars in, like, Germany and England, but we're supposed to know about places like Somalia and Massachusetts."
"Macedonia," corrected committee Chairman Carl Levin of Michigan.
"See?" said Beldoni.
Beldoni's frustration was shared by nearly three dozen students at the hearing, who blamed the U.S. military for making them look bad.
"I totally support our soldiers and all that, but I am seriously failing both geography and social studies because I keep getting asked to find Croatia or Yemvrekia, or whatever bizarre-o country we send troops to," said Amelia Nash, a junior at Clark High School in Orlando, Fla. "Can't we fight in, like, Italy? It's boot-shaped."
Chairman Levin however, explained that Italy was a U.S. ally, and that intervention is usually in response to a specific threat.
"OK, what about Arulco?" interrupted Tyler Boone, a senior at Bellevue High School in Wisconsin. "That's a country in Jagged Alliance 2 run by the evil Queen Deidranna. I'm totally familiar with that place. She's a major threat."
"Jagged...?" said Levin.
"Alliance. It's a computer game."
"Well, no," Levin answered. "We can't attack a fictional country."
"Yeah right," Boone mumbled. "Like Grenada was real."
The students' testimony was supported by a cross-section of high school geography teachers, who urged the committee to help lay a solid foundation for America's young people by curtailing any intervention abroad.
"Since the anti-terror war began, most of my students can now point to Afghanistan on a map, which is fine, but those same kids still don't know the capitals of Nevada and Ohio," said Richard Gerber, who teaches at Rhymony High School in Atlanta. "I think we need to cut back on our activities overseas and take care of business at home, and if that means invading Tallahassee (Fla.) or Trenton (N.J.) so that students learn where they are, so be it."
An estimated 2,000 more students were expected to hold a march in the nation's capital, but forgot which city it was in.
Copyright © 1999-2002, SatireWire.
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — A delegation of American high school students today demanded the United States stop waging war in obscure nations such as Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Bosnia-Herzegovina, and instead attack places they've actually heard of, such as France, Australia, and Austria, unless, they said, those last two are the same country.
"Shouldn't we, as Americans, get to decide where wars are?" asked sophomore Kate Shermansky.
"People claim we don't know as much geography as our parents and grandparents, but it's so not our fault," Josh Beldoni, a senior at Fischer High School in Los Angeles, told the Senate Armed Services Committee. "Back then they only had wars in, like, Germany and England, but we're supposed to know about places like Somalia and Massachusetts."
"Macedonia," corrected committee Chairman Carl Levin of Michigan.
"See?" said Beldoni.
Beldoni's frustration was shared by nearly three dozen students at the hearing, who blamed the U.S. military for making them look bad.
"I totally support our soldiers and all that, but I am seriously failing both geography and social studies because I keep getting asked to find Croatia or Yemvrekia, or whatever bizarre-o country we send troops to," said Amelia Nash, a junior at Clark High School in Orlando, Fla. "Can't we fight in, like, Italy? It's boot-shaped."
Chairman Levin however, explained that Italy was a U.S. ally, and that intervention is usually in response to a specific threat.
"OK, what about Arulco?" interrupted Tyler Boone, a senior at Bellevue High School in Wisconsin. "That's a country in Jagged Alliance 2 run by the evil Queen Deidranna. I'm totally familiar with that place. She's a major threat."
"Jagged...?" said Levin.
"Alliance. It's a computer game."
"Well, no," Levin answered. "We can't attack a fictional country."
"Yeah right," Boone mumbled. "Like Grenada was real."
The students' testimony was supported by a cross-section of high school geography teachers, who urged the committee to help lay a solid foundation for America's young people by curtailing any intervention abroad.
"Since the anti-terror war began, most of my students can now point to Afghanistan on a map, which is fine, but those same kids still don't know the capitals of Nevada and Ohio," said Richard Gerber, who teaches at Rhymony High School in Atlanta. "I think we need to cut back on our activities overseas and take care of business at home, and if that means invading Tallahassee (Fla.) or Trenton (N.J.) so that students learn where they are, so be it."
An estimated 2,000 more students were expected to hold a march in the nation's capital, but forgot which city it was in.
Copyright © 1999-2002, SatireWire.
28 August, 2007
Good News
Saint Luke pictures Jesus at the dinner table of Simon the Pharisee, and the sinner is at his feet. “Shock! Horror!” cry the tabloids, “Preacher accepts public caresses of notorious prostitute!” Simon says to himself: “If this man was a prophet he would know what sort of woman this is, what a bad name she has.”
Simon lives in the categories of clean and unclean, of insiders and outsiders. The social fabric is threatened by accepting the presence of such a person at his table.
For Jesus there are no outsiders. He does not take issue with the accusation of being a glutton and drunkard. He sees food and drink not as a mark of who is holy, but as a means of uniting himself with all, clean and unclean alike. “Wisdom is justified in all her children,” says Jesus. Wisdom does not consist in knowing the rules and passing judgment, but in befriending all her children, men and women, like the sinner. That is his Good News.
Simon lives in the categories of clean and unclean, of insiders and outsiders. The social fabric is threatened by accepting the presence of such a person at his table.
For Jesus there are no outsiders. He does not take issue with the accusation of being a glutton and drunkard. He sees food and drink not as a mark of who is holy, but as a means of uniting himself with all, clean and unclean alike. “Wisdom is justified in all her children,” says Jesus. Wisdom does not consist in knowing the rules and passing judgment, but in befriending all her children, men and women, like the sinner. That is his Good News.
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