11 November, 2006
Why I'll Always Be On This Side Of The Starbucks Counter
"I'll have a large, one-percent double shot half caff, sugar-free vanilla latte, steamed to 163.8 degrees, light foam, easy whip, with a smidge of Callebaut shavings, a whisper of cinnamon, stirred counterclockwise, served with the handle facing west, with no direct eye contact, in a warmed mug - not piping hot, but not lukewarm either ... "
08 November, 2006
07 November, 2006
GAINER GOPHERGATE

Gainer GopherGate has come and gone. Gainer was barred from the Calgary Stampeders’ home field for the playoff game last Sunday against the 'Riders. Alberta may be the rat free province, but apparently they ban gophers, too. Saskatchewan was not pleased with the news that their most famous costumed celebrity had been spurned. But the boys in Green got it done for the gopher. I love the 'Rider fans, they do the CFL proud.
How To Tell If Someone Is From Saskatchewan:
10. Once every third decade or so, they perform strange, ritualistic dances in public places wearing watermelons on their heads to celebrate their latest Grey Cup victory.
9. They pronounce Saskatchewan "Skatchw'n."
8. You overhear someone explain how he installed a counter binder on his combine's pulley-driven wheat flattener with a square head hydrostatic coupler, using a universal bushing degreaser, and you can't believe he left only five inches of clearance between the kernel rotor and the straw-feed regulator -- the idiot!
7. They know the difference between a farmer and a rancher.
6. They rent off-season storage space for the snowmobile on a week-by-week basis.
5. They know when Christmas is near because stores stay open late TWO nights a week rather than one.
4. They can't understand why American television networks never settle on a schedule, instead of shifting all their programs back and forth for an hour every spring and fall.
3. They actually understand, and perhaps can describe in detail, the necessity for geographical correction lines.
2. They're confused when cars come equipped with options that would never be needed, such as curb feelers and turn signals; yet obvious options such as trailer hitches and air conditioning are extras.
1. When you ask them what they think of Calgary, they say, "It's nice, but the mountains block out the sunset!"
02 November, 2006
COP HUMOR
I have advised my 'stealth readers ' that they should not expect anything profound until after Christmas. Fortunately, there is no end of humor on the blogosphere to pass along.
This is a little long, but humorous if you can hang in.
NARCOTIC UNITS
Immediately grow facial hair, tell everybody you were ordered to.
Start watching every episode of Monster Garage.
Buy a biker wallet with a big chain.
Make every case involve overtime $$$.
Buy bunches of boats, RV’s, and motorcycles with that overtime.
Learn to play golf drunk.
SWAT UNITS
Wear team T-shirts, Oakley sunglasses and boots everyday.
Try to fit the word breach in to every conversation.
Have a mirror handy to check hair, if you have hair.
Never say hello to anyone who is not an operator, just practice your SWAT head nod.
Subscribe to Soldier of Fortune and Muscle and Fitness.
Learn to play golf wearing a gun.
COMMUNITY SERVICE UNITS
Hate SWAT.
Work to make everybody love you.
Paint your office in pastel colors. Think Feng Shui.
Subscribe to Psychology Today.
Learn to play miniature golf.
TRAFFIC UNITS
Write tickets to EVERYBODY.
Spend every weekend cleaning your bike and polishing boots.
Annoy everyone on the radio calling out your stops. Talk about nothing but how many tickets you wrote in one day.
Ride by a building with big windows to see your reflection.
Golf is lame, motor rodeos are cool.
ADMINISTRATIVE UNITS
Three-hour lunches everyday, tell everybody it’s a “meeting”.
Upgrade department cell phone every month.
Tell everybody you are published in a national law enforcement magazine.
Update your revenge list on a weekly basis.
Golf Rules! Play lots of golf.
PATROL UNITS
Has nerves of steel.
In a terminal state of nausea from department politics.
Inability to keep mouth shut.
Has defining tastes in alcohol. Is respected by peers.
Beats the crap out of his caddy on any bogeyed shot.
INVESTIGATORS
Come in at 0800.
“Breakfast” from 0815 to 1030.
Work from 1030 to Noon.
Noon to 1400 work out and Lunch 1400-1700.
Sit in CID and talk about how many girlfriends you have and how the wife doesn’t know.
Plan your next RV, fishing, motorcycle trip.
PATROL SERGEANT
Remembers very well “how we used to do it.”
Always willing to tell his officers the above.
Tries to fit the word “liability” in to every sentence.
Talks about “what he’s hearing from upstairs.”
TRAINEE
Unable to grow facial hair.
Watches every episode of Cops.
Worships the ground the SWAT guys walk on.
Arrives for work three hours early. Thinks the Sergeant is thrilled to see him.
Won’t drink on the golf course because it violates the open container ordinance.
FEDS
Shave head, and grow goatee (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you are clean shaven, with short almost military style haircut).
Wear 5.11 pants, and polo with agency logo (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you always have a shirt and pants to which a jacket and tie can be quickly added for when the boss might be around).
Arrive at work at 8 AM, spend one hour answering useless emails, and 30 minutes checking your retirement investments.
Then go with another agent to Starbucks “to discuss your new case.”
After participating in your first warrant service (as outside cover) make plans to join the agency SRT, SWAT, etc, to “properly utilize your superior tactical skills.”
After doing your first buy bust, immediately begin asking the boss about “long term undercover” jobs.
Refuse to play golf with “the locals.”
NEW CORRECTIONS OFFICERS
Show up for work 15 minutes early.
Buy only the best ink pens (Pilot G-2).
Wear T-Shirts of your “dream department” under your uniform.
Wear a full duty belt of gear even though you have to remove: gun, baton, spare magazines, knife, cell phone, and BUG when you arrive at the facility.
Become friends with every local police officer.
Continue eating too much and not exercising.
To all who serve and protect: THANK YOU!
This is a little long, but humorous if you can hang in.
NARCOTIC UNITS
Immediately grow facial hair, tell everybody you were ordered to.
Start watching every episode of Monster Garage.
Buy a biker wallet with a big chain.
Make every case involve overtime $$$.
Buy bunches of boats, RV’s, and motorcycles with that overtime.
Learn to play golf drunk.
SWAT UNITS
Wear team T-shirts, Oakley sunglasses and boots everyday.
Try to fit the word breach in to every conversation.
Have a mirror handy to check hair, if you have hair.
Never say hello to anyone who is not an operator, just practice your SWAT head nod.
Subscribe to Soldier of Fortune and Muscle and Fitness.
Learn to play golf wearing a gun.
COMMUNITY SERVICE UNITS
Hate SWAT.
Work to make everybody love you.
Paint your office in pastel colors. Think Feng Shui.
Subscribe to Psychology Today.
Learn to play miniature golf.
TRAFFIC UNITS
Write tickets to EVERYBODY.
Spend every weekend cleaning your bike and polishing boots.
Annoy everyone on the radio calling out your stops. Talk about nothing but how many tickets you wrote in one day.
Ride by a building with big windows to see your reflection.
Golf is lame, motor rodeos are cool.
ADMINISTRATIVE UNITS
Three-hour lunches everyday, tell everybody it’s a “meeting”.
Upgrade department cell phone every month.
Tell everybody you are published in a national law enforcement magazine.
Update your revenge list on a weekly basis.
Golf Rules! Play lots of golf.
PATROL UNITS
Has nerves of steel.
In a terminal state of nausea from department politics.
Inability to keep mouth shut.
Has defining tastes in alcohol. Is respected by peers.
Beats the crap out of his caddy on any bogeyed shot.
INVESTIGATORS
Come in at 0800.
“Breakfast” from 0815 to 1030.
Work from 1030 to Noon.
Noon to 1400 work out and Lunch 1400-1700.
Sit in CID and talk about how many girlfriends you have and how the wife doesn’t know.
Plan your next RV, fishing, motorcycle trip.
PATROL SERGEANT
Remembers very well “how we used to do it.”
Always willing to tell his officers the above.
Tries to fit the word “liability” in to every sentence.
Talks about “what he’s hearing from upstairs.”
TRAINEE
Unable to grow facial hair.
Watches every episode of Cops.
Worships the ground the SWAT guys walk on.
Arrives for work three hours early. Thinks the Sergeant is thrilled to see him.
Won’t drink on the golf course because it violates the open container ordinance.
FEDS
Shave head, and grow goatee (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you are clean shaven, with short almost military style haircut).
Wear 5.11 pants, and polo with agency logo (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you always have a shirt and pants to which a jacket and tie can be quickly added for when the boss might be around).
Arrive at work at 8 AM, spend one hour answering useless emails, and 30 minutes checking your retirement investments.
Then go with another agent to Starbucks “to discuss your new case.”
After participating in your first warrant service (as outside cover) make plans to join the agency SRT, SWAT, etc, to “properly utilize your superior tactical skills.”
After doing your first buy bust, immediately begin asking the boss about “long term undercover” jobs.
Refuse to play golf with “the locals.”
NEW CORRECTIONS OFFICERS
Show up for work 15 minutes early.
Buy only the best ink pens (Pilot G-2).
Wear T-Shirts of your “dream department” under your uniform.
Wear a full duty belt of gear even though you have to remove: gun, baton, spare magazines, knife, cell phone, and BUG when you arrive at the facility.
Become friends with every local police officer.
Continue eating too much and not exercising.
To all who serve and protect: THANK YOU!
01 November, 2006
SPANISH WORD OF THE WEEK
secretaria - secretary
Fue secretaria del Alcalde.
She was the Mayor's secretary.
Fue secretaria del Alcalde.
She was the Mayor's secretary.
18 October, 2006
COFFEE WISDOM
Principle 1 - Reheating Causes Bitterness
About Coffee: Coffee should not be reheated. Every time you brew a cup, it needs to be fresh. Make only as much as you plan to drink.
About Life: Don't rehash the past. Your past is the reason, not the excuse. Let go of what is gone.
Principle 2 - Start with Fresh Grounds
About Coffee: Do not reuse grounds. You'll only end up with bitter and unpleasant tastes.
About Life: Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat them.
Principle 3 - Use the Correct Grind
About Coffee: Use the correct grind for your coffee maker. If you grind too fine, this will cause bitterness. If your grind is too coarse, the coffee will be watery.
About Life: Put right what you can, and accept what you cannot.
Principle 4 - Use High-Quality Beans and Fresh, Pure, Cold Water
About Coffee: Use fresh cold water. Water is around 98 percent of every cup; to ensure you get the finest taste, consider using a water filter or bottled water. Choose top-quality beans. For your cup of coffee to be top quality you need to make sure you get the main ingredient right. About Life: Celebrate your uniqueness.
Principle 5 - Get the Proportions Right
About Coffee: The proportion of coffee to water is vital. Experts recommend using tablespoons (10 grams) of ground coffee for each 6 fluid ounces (180 ml) of water. Regardless of how much coffee you make, you need to keep these proportions consistent. Proportions can be adjusted according to taste, but using less coffee makes for a thin, bitter-tasting brew.
About Life: Challenge irrational thinking.
Principle 6 - Boiling Destroys the Flavor
About Coffee: Boiling causes bitterness, so never boil coffee. It should be brewed between 195°F and 205°F (90°C-96°C).
About Life: Check your stress levels. Balance your body, mind, and spirit.
Principle 7 - Drink It While It's Hot
About Coffee: Drink your coffee soon after it is made. Coffee can be kept warm for only about fifteen minutes over a burner before the flavor becomes unpleasant.
About Life: Live in the present with an attitude of positive expectancy.
About the Book
Coffee Wisdom: 7 Finely-Ground Principles to Living a Full-Bodied Life By Theresa Cheung
About Coffee: Coffee should not be reheated. Every time you brew a cup, it needs to be fresh. Make only as much as you plan to drink.
About Life: Don't rehash the past. Your past is the reason, not the excuse. Let go of what is gone.
Principle 2 - Start with Fresh Grounds
About Coffee: Do not reuse grounds. You'll only end up with bitter and unpleasant tastes.
About Life: Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat them.
Principle 3 - Use the Correct Grind
About Coffee: Use the correct grind for your coffee maker. If you grind too fine, this will cause bitterness. If your grind is too coarse, the coffee will be watery.
About Life: Put right what you can, and accept what you cannot.
Principle 4 - Use High-Quality Beans and Fresh, Pure, Cold Water
About Coffee: Use fresh cold water. Water is around 98 percent of every cup; to ensure you get the finest taste, consider using a water filter or bottled water. Choose top-quality beans. For your cup of coffee to be top quality you need to make sure you get the main ingredient right. About Life: Celebrate your uniqueness.
Principle 5 - Get the Proportions Right
About Coffee: The proportion of coffee to water is vital. Experts recommend using tablespoons (10 grams) of ground coffee for each 6 fluid ounces (180 ml) of water. Regardless of how much coffee you make, you need to keep these proportions consistent. Proportions can be adjusted according to taste, but using less coffee makes for a thin, bitter-tasting brew.
About Life: Challenge irrational thinking.
Principle 6 - Boiling Destroys the Flavor
About Coffee: Boiling causes bitterness, so never boil coffee. It should be brewed between 195°F and 205°F (90°C-96°C).
About Life: Check your stress levels. Balance your body, mind, and spirit.
Principle 7 - Drink It While It's Hot
About Coffee: Drink your coffee soon after it is made. Coffee can be kept warm for only about fifteen minutes over a burner before the flavor becomes unpleasant.
About Life: Live in the present with an attitude of positive expectancy.
About the Book
Coffee Wisdom: 7 Finely-Ground Principles to Living a Full-Bodied Life By Theresa Cheung
WRAPPING PRESENTS WITH A CAT
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.
28 June, 2006
Blog Break
School is out and we are looking forward to a great summer. Will try to get back at this in September. It's not that I have been overrun with readers (ya think!), but have found in my limited experience this is an interesting creative outlet. Too good to give up so soon.
Hope everyone has a safe and happy summer!
See ya!
Hope everyone has a safe and happy summer!
See ya!
12 June, 2006
Her Excellency the Right Honourable Michaƫlle Jean, the Governor General of Canada

Our Governor General was a delight: smiling, vivacious, personable, and amazingly beautiful.
It was not known by the children from out of town competing at the Heritage Fair that Michaelle Jean would be making a visit to a pre-arranged and selected group of young adults at Calgary City Hall. As word of her arrival spread, the line-ups beside the red carpet laid out for her began.
I could not believe that most children did not have a clue who she was. They did not know anything about Canada's Governor General, her role, nor her name. They were more interested in seeing the Mayor of Calgary (Sigh ....) I'll post a picture of him later.
A Touch Of Royalty
Spirited
A Boa Necklace
We also visited the Reptile World Museum. It was amazing.
There were reptiles, amphibians, spiders from around the
world on display.
The kids had a chance to get up close and personal with the resident Boa, Sophie. I had never been so close
to such a large snake before, and it was cool to "pet" her.
Here's Caitlin checking her out.
There were reptiles, amphibians, spiders from around theworld on display.
The kids had a chance to get up close and personal with the resident Boa, Sophie. I had never been so close
to such a large snake before, and it was cool to "pet" her.
Here's Caitlin checking her out.
Hoodoos
21 May, 2006
Peace, Old Friend
I found out yesterday that an old friend of mine in Saskatoon has passed over from this life to the next ... Allene Becker.
I first met Allene when we were sitting in the same row at church at a Women's Retreat. You know how you get comfortable at these things and tend to go back and sit in your same row with the same people. We chatted a bit and I found her to be a very personable and fascinating person. As a result of the weekend, we met for coffee. At that time I was a single parent and Allene and I talked about how getting through Christmas was going to be both an emotional and financial struggle for our family that year.
A few weeks later, Allene came into my place of work and gave me an envelope. "God told me to give this to you," she said. I wasn't sure about her theology, but I was sure about her heart. When I opened it, there was $100 in cash.
That's the kind of person Allene was. I always called her "my angel." She had a very tough life with her health problems, but always kept her faith. She was an English teacher who spent time teaching in the Yukon, until health problems put an end to her teaching career. Although she had a couple of serious relationships, she never married nor had children. She considered her students to be her "kids."
Over the many years since I lived in Saskatoon, occasionally I would pick up the phone and there would be Allene on the other end. Recently, she moved into a care home in Saskatoon, and I am thankful I was able to write what I now know was the last letter she would receive from me.
I am thankful for this special lady being part of my life. I'll miss you, Allene. I imagine you laughing and dancing in Heaven, as only you can.
I first met Allene when we were sitting in the same row at church at a Women's Retreat. You know how you get comfortable at these things and tend to go back and sit in your same row with the same people. We chatted a bit and I found her to be a very personable and fascinating person. As a result of the weekend, we met for coffee. At that time I was a single parent and Allene and I talked about how getting through Christmas was going to be both an emotional and financial struggle for our family that year.
A few weeks later, Allene came into my place of work and gave me an envelope. "God told me to give this to you," she said. I wasn't sure about her theology, but I was sure about her heart. When I opened it, there was $100 in cash.
That's the kind of person Allene was. I always called her "my angel." She had a very tough life with her health problems, but always kept her faith. She was an English teacher who spent time teaching in the Yukon, until health problems put an end to her teaching career. Although she had a couple of serious relationships, she never married nor had children. She considered her students to be her "kids."
Over the many years since I lived in Saskatoon, occasionally I would pick up the phone and there would be Allene on the other end. Recently, she moved into a care home in Saskatoon, and I am thankful I was able to write what I now know was the last letter she would receive from me.
I am thankful for this special lady being part of my life. I'll miss you, Allene. I imagine you laughing and dancing in Heaven, as only you can.
17 May, 2006
Explore Alberta
03 May, 2006
Green Fingers
In recent years, when this nomad has come to rest for a spell, I have discovered I LOVE gardening. I think I must have come by this honestly from my grandmother, who always had a huge farm garden full of vegetables, flowers to cut, and lilac bushes. My mother was also a very good gardener.
Where we presently live, we have a small strip of raised garden across the back of yard. I have started a few perennials, a few of which have survived our winter. This year I am trying some wild flowers from seed ... I would love an English garden full of colours from flowers of all shapes and sizes.
I have discovered Alan Creech's wife, Liz, has started a gardening blog, doing things the organic way. Even though she is in Lexington, Kentucky, I have learnt a lot from her already.
See http://alancreech.com/lizard/gardenescapades
Where we presently live, we have a small strip of raised garden across the back of yard. I have started a few perennials, a few of which have survived our winter. This year I am trying some wild flowers from seed ... I would love an English garden full of colours from flowers of all shapes and sizes.
I have discovered Alan Creech's wife, Liz, has started a gardening blog, doing things the organic way. Even though she is in Lexington, Kentucky, I have learnt a lot from her already.
See http://alancreech.com/lizard/gardenescapades
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